Txas Blog

Writing is hard

txas — Wed, 03 Jun 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Writing is amazing. Some people think in ideas, some people think in shapes, some people think in images, and some people think in writing. I think in writing.

English is not my mother tongue. I grew up speaking Spanish and Basque, two very different languages; both from each other and from English. As I try to write this entry, I see time and time again how hard it is for me to write in English.

Don't get me wrong, I commonly write emails in English, and to friends, and maybe in forums and stuff. But here I am trying to convey ideas.

I thought that coming up with ideas was enough, that the sole robustness of the idea was enough for it to be compelling. But this is not true. Ideas need to be sold. I need to present a nice idea to you, and also make sure to pique your interest enough to keep your attention.

I am having a very hard time not starting all sentences with "I". I damn you, Spanish, for being able to hide the subject of your sentences.

There's nothing else here, really. This is my third entry overall, just me trying to find my voice for this stuff.

It is rude to suck at WoW

txas — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I write these lines as I wait for my character (Vindicta) to respawn on my 10th death in my latest game of Deadlock. We ended up winning, but that was beside the point.

Now, you see. I am 32 years old, that is, not new to games. I never quite enjoyed APM-heavy games, nor games where quick reactions were necessary. It was not unusual to see my kill/death ratio at 0.4 or even lower during my teenage years. By all gaming (TM) metrics, I was mid.

I do not know why I play Deadlock. Do I enjoy it? I'm not sure. I know why I want to play it, though, which I believe is a bit different. My girlfriend plays it. Some of my friends play it. It's free. It's intense. It's competitive.

You get a huge rush of happiness when you finally manage to progress. And it is skill-based, so you can tell yourself that victories are due to your personal skill, because, after all, you are that good at playing this game.

My experience so far has been different. My skill is lower than average, I feel. This is based on absolutely subjective observations such as my <1 K/D ratio in most games.

I can feel it. As I play with more skilled friends, I can see the resentment growing in everyone. In them, it's the silent realization that they need to carry me in the game. The way they bark commands at everyone, but also to me, a bit louder, a bit more tiredly. As if saying "Git Gud" with every word that leaves their mouth. In me, it's the same realization in reverse. I feel like a burden. My options are limited, my play must become more guarded, more defensive, less risky. I feel a burden for the rest of the game. The game now becomes an exercise in feeling bad with my close friends for the next 45 minutes.

I am forcefully reminded of Dan Olson's Why It's Rude to Suck as Warcraft</a> video-essay. When social cohesion is tied to performance, not performing to the standard of the group pushes you out.

My first page

txas — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Hello! This is my first blog page. You can tell that I don't really know what to write here.

I plan on using this blog to share ideas I care about, but mainly to think aloud.

One of my worries is how people perceive who I am. Whether this blog helps that fear is to be determined. The phrase "I cannot control what goes inside people's heads" sounds strong in my mind now. I am worried about being over exposed. Here is hoping you don't think too bad of me.

Who am I? I don't know. I have a strange relationship with art. It's enjoyable, I like it, but when I try to make art, my well is empty. I feel like I'm trying to compel a cat to do something.

Btw, the date is a lie. I don't know when I started writing this.