Shameless

Writing a blog is hard. Some posts come from the soul. They show your insides for everyone to wow or laugh at. Many emotions come from that place:

• Nobody really cares about this. Why are you even writing it?
• That thing you write about, is not new. Why bother?
• Literally nobody cares.

But I keep seeing super simple, yet interesting blog posts from authors in other blogs. Are they more interesting than me? Probably. Are they smarter? Also yes. Their thoughts, however, are not new. They are interesting, fresh, intimate, enjoyable, but not news to me. So I thought, why did I not think about writing that post myself?

Which brings me to the point. I want to write this, and at the same time, I'm not writing as much as I'd like. Why am I doing this? Not sure. Writing is enjoyable, for sure.

Part of it is to be more fluent writing "good" English. My work is mostly done in English, so 90% of my writing is also in English. It's hard not to fall into patterns from my native language (Spanish). I keep trying to write all my sentences as "I think...", or "I do...". My editor warns me when three concurrent sentences start with the same word (which is always "I").

Part of it is creating some sort of "legacy", although that's not a good word for it. I want to expand my inner world. Do something, build something. Have some kind of artifact that will outlive me, at least in theory. I find the idea of a blog enticing for that.

And of course, part of it is that some part of me believes that it's better than the rest. It is there, I know it's there. I have tried to keep it in check during my life. I know it's not true. But I'm not stupid either. I fall somewhere in the middle. I keep reminding myself that this is the case. You are not the dumbest person in the world, and you are not the smartest person in the world. You are probably average. Smack down in the middle of the Gauss bell. Even if having a "smartness" distribution makes no sense - IQs are bullshit.

So I'm learning to be a bit shameless. I hope this does not make you uncomfortable, dear reader. It is necessary for me to actually write something. So you either get the slightly-shameless Txas, or none at all. I hope you get the former.